


Alive

by Nebulad



Series: Awakening [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, re-write of ME2 romance scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 11:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4958698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebulad/pseuds/Nebulad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Stop that,” she snapped out loud at herself. Thane was a good man and he was also his own man and if he wanted something from her he would ask, she was sure. As it stood they stuck with holding hands and talking and she couldn’t have been happier with it.</p><p>“Stop what, siha?” She dropped her datapad with a little yelp, feeling Thane move across the room (and she so often wondered how he had ever been an assassin because she could feel his presence like he was lightning and she was standing waist deep in water).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alive

Miriam Shepard was spending possibly the last two hours she had left alive checking her email. She’d let it pile up a little- she still resented the  _yeoman_ reminding her every six seconds that she had something to check, see, or do, so sometimes she… let herself get sloppy.

Out of spite.

She took a deep breath and continued. No more spite. No more doing things to hurt people. She was a different person on earth and she wasn’t that person today-

She thought of Thane. He… helped. His attitude on  _brightening_ the world before he left it was… admirable.  _He_ was admirable, and his eyes were admirable and his skin was admirable and she bet his kisses were-

“Stop that,” she snapped out loud at herself. Thane was a good man and he was also his own man and if he wanted something from her he would ask, she was sure. As it stood they stuck with holding hands and talking and she couldn’t have been happier with it.

“Stop what, siha?” She dropped her datapad with a little yelp, feeling Thane move across the room  _(and she so often wondered how he had ever been an assassin because she could feel his presence like he was lightning and she was standing waist deep in water)._

“My datapad was acting up,” she lied, turning to face him. He looked troubled.

“I’m sure it was.” Of course he would never directly accuse her of lying- he really did look terribly distracted, though.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, tentatively moving closer to him. She was often nervous when it came to Thane because… well because she was an idiot who didn’t know jack  _shit_ about aliens. She remembered the SR-1, how  _careful_ she’d been, never really getting… close to any of her alien squadmates. She didn’t understand them- she was sure they were just people as humans were people, but she didn’t have the patience to try and indulge some sort of cultural meshing while on the mission of her life.

They were  _jerks and saints_ as Kaidan had said, but they didn’t affect her work besides how well they operated a gun. Then she’d met Thane and managed to very skillfully imply that the hanar kept him as a slave, all while trying to desperately explain what was so  _fascinating_ about him. She had plenty of crewmates of her own species- Miranda and Jacob and Chakwas and Joker- and she could have easily lost herself in their company as she’d done with Williams and Kaidan before…

But instead she found herself moving through  _bottles_ of requisitioned lotion (Miranda’s recommendation that smelled faintly of eucalyptus) because her skin was drying out from spending so much time in Life Support. She was lucky the tight bun she kept her hair in reduced the visibility of how frizzy it had gotten over the past few months.

“I am dying,” Thane said, jerking her back to the present moment. She swallowed with mild difficulty- she knew that too, and wondered if he noticed how dry her cabin was now. She would have made the whole ship especially habitable just for him, and damn her fucking skin. “I have known that I am dying for a long time, and have tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it.”

He moved past her, pacing a little although he didn’t seem to notice he was doing it. He was making her nervous, but she didn’t mention as much. “ _You_ helped me achieve more than I thought possible- we have righted many wrongs. I have spoken to my son.” Miriam liked Kolyat immensely and sort of hoped that it went without saying that she would have done so no matter what the circumstances. As it stood, she didn’t quite trust herself to speak.

The topic of Thane’s death was… difficult for her. She  _loathed_ that weakness- she should have been stronger. The thought of his cold corpse shouldn’t have filled her with so much dread because she made sure her crew never signed on to her missions in ignorance, so death was never a surprise but-

-she didn’t like to talk about it, but felt selfish for hoping to divert the discussion.

He was silent for a long moment, before finally finishing with, “I should be at peace on the eve of battle.” She smiled.

“We’re going on a high risk mission,” she reminded him, moving finally to stop his pacing. “You don’t have to justify nerves.” She took his hands as she’d been doing for months, squeezing them. She tried to imagine what her _intensely_ xenophobic gang would say if they saw her then, trying to arrange her hands in his comfortably (he had those fused fingers that complicated the gesture a little).

“I am ashamed,” he offered her, his voice near silent. She softened, reaching up to touch his face a little. She remembered the oldest of the girls in the gang on earth doing this for her, even when she was older and even when she wasn’t crying or afraid, but bleeding and miserable and lost. Aiza had been her name and she’d always just pet through Miriam’s hair and stroked her face. _We’re alive and we are together and they won’t take that from us_.

Thane shortly gave her back her hands and moved over to the desk- a shudder went through him and she realized with dawning horror that he was crying. He drew back and punched her table, making her cold tea rattle and her flinch. It was a reflex- she knew Thane would never hurt her and she  _knew_ that if he realized he’d scared her for a moment he would be horrified, but-

-another thing she hadn’t been able to leave behind when she’d fled earth.

“I’ve worked so hard,” he said, his voice struggling to remain even. The rasp of it was more pronounced as he went on. “I’ve meditated and prayed, I’ve done good deeds, atoned for the evils I’ve done. Prepared.” He looked over at her and his face was wet, his hand still curled into a fist and trembling on the desk. “I consider my body’s death and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid, and it shames me.”

Miriam shuffled forward, settling herself hesitantly against his rigid back. He was so  _tense,_ but trembling all over. She put her hand over his fist, stroking gentle lines across his knuckles. She didn’t know how to do this- she knew how to shoot and she knew how to command other people to shoot but she didn’t-

“I’m sorry,” she murmured against his shoulder, wrapping her other arm around his waist. He relaxed minutely- not any significant amount, but enough to let Miri know she wasn’t entirely out of her depth. “You don’t have to be ashamed,” she continued. “You have the capacity for more good, to do more. There’s life left in you, and it’s something to safeguard,” she told him. He was quiet for a moment, thinking over her words.

“You are a protector, siha,” he said at last, his face cracking a very small smile. “I suppose if you say there is something in me that needs to be saved, I would have to believe you.”

“Damn straight,” she said with a watery sort of laugh. “A little late to be doubting the commander of the ship.” He turned to face her, his body… not relaxed, but less agonizingly rigid. He tilted her face up to study- not unusual, as they were a different species and this was all very,  _very_ untrod territory-

He leaned down and kissed her, once. His lips were a little odd, like there was skin, covering shell, covering more skin- less flexible than a human’s mouth but _good_ \- and when he let her go she stayed very still. Moving meant moving away and she didn’t want to do that… “Siha?”

“Hm?” She could feel herself going red because she was standing there like a fucking pole after having gotten a shallow kiss on the mouth, what was the _matter_ with her, she used to be better at this-

“Should I leave?” he asked. She shook her head quickly.

“No- no, please. I’d like it if you stayed,” she insisted, reaching for his hands again. Hands were safe and they were allowed and maybe she could pretend she knew what she was doing. She  _used_ to know, she used to understand people and their motivations and know how to steal kisses if she wanted them but this was  _Thane_ not some random rubbish thug whose rifle she liked, she couldn’t just yank him down by the collar and ram her tongue in his mouth.

She looked up at him tentatively, trying to judge where he was at. He seemed better than he had walking in, just staring at her like he was trying to puzzle out what was wrong with her.  _Be sure to tell me when you find out, dear._ “We get to the relay soon,” she offered quietly, then could have kicked herself. They’d just gotten  _off_ the topic of death.

“Any time that remains to me is yours to take, if you wish,” he reminded her. She smiled, then gathered what courage was left in her gut  _(mother of god, this is harder than driving the Mako into a mass effect relay)_  and very carefully tried guiding his mouth back down to hers.

He needed remarkably little guidance, as it turned out.

**Author's Note:**

> reposting this because I deleted it while having a fucking anger fit so


End file.
